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Voice of Cami-The Poem

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Here is the poem I began getting ideas for on the trip home from the funeral of Cami in June 2014.  It is written from the perspective of our daughter, Stephanie, who is Cami’s mother.

 Voice of Cami-The Poem

On a very ordinary day your little life began.  Nine months later for the very first time I held you in my hands.  I looked into your bright little eyes and I said “Hi, I am your mom”.  Cami, little Cami, I love you.

Your dad and three big sisters think that you are very neat.  They have many things planned to do with you when you are steady on your feet.  Until that time we will gladly carry you everywhere that you go.  Cami, little Cami, it’s fun to watch you grow.

On a pleasant summer day I called my folks just to visit for awhile.  You were busy in your little world of fun and play.  I held out the phone, you heard grandpa’s voice and you giggled, smiled and waved.  Cami, little Cami, it’s just another very nice day.

Just a few hours later I called them back again.  Your life was now in great jeopardy I said with a quivering chin.  You were hanging on by a very small thread, helpless in the midst of it all.  Cami, dear little Cami, I am so sorry.

How did such a pleasant day so suddenly turn this violent and gray?  And happiness get swallowed by gloom and despair.  I desperately try to wake up from this horrible nightmare to find you sleeping peacefully with me in our rocking chair.

Late that night the doctors said there was nothing more they could do.  They left your dad and me alone for the last time of holding you.  The machines are now turned off since the faint life signs have disappeared.  Cami, little Cami, where do I go from here?

Fifteen months ago I first looked into your bright eyes and I said “Hi, I am your mom”.  Now I look into that same face, the eyes now closed in death and I know that you are truly, truly gone.  The terror of this horrible day has left me very uncertain of just what to say.  How I wish that I could close my eyes and shake my head and then open my eyes and see that you are not dead.

It was only twelve short hours ago that you were busy having fun.  Now I look at you and I know for sure your little life with us is done.  In my mind I can see your three big sisters and I know I should see four.  Whom I can love and help grow up and totally adore.

In this night of horror I am filled with a fury for the evil that has happened here today.  This morning I saw my very happy little girl.  And tonight she has been so suddenly snatched away.  An age old serpent that we all know as death has reared its ugly head and taken your last breath.  With a swift and deadly strike it has left my storm tossed soul wondering if it will ever be made whole.

For the third time today I called my folks on this worst day of my life.  To give them the news in a state of disbelief and emotional strife.  The last words from my dad so very many miles away would give me an anchor for my soul and hope in the coming days.

Do not close the door he said.  This is not over yet.  This kind of miracle has occurred before.  We are going to get before the Lord and search for the kingdom keys that will let us see this little girl return to us through life’s door.

Many will find that a silly idea, religious candy for the weak and insecure.  Those simple minded ones who simply cannot face the facts; who do not have the strength and the courage to endure.

But I wonder if they have ever considered what the dying of death will mean.  On that day when the Lord will destroy this enemy and death no longer will reign as a cruel king?

If all I believed about dying is that when you are dead you are just gone; that we are like the wood consumed in a raging fire.  Then this tragedy would very quickly leave me not wanting to go on.  But I rest and walk with information that is infinitely higher.

Armed with a knowledge far more certain than the seeing of a past sunrise, I know the day will come when I will once again look into your living beautiful eyes.  And when that happens it will mean that I have come to where you are now.  I will see all the answers to my very large list of when’s and why’s and how’s.

It has been a few days since I put my hand on your casket at the grave.  And said good bye to you and to seeing you again in this life.  Though the sadness is here and the loss is real a greater living truth is shining through. I turn to Him now to help me with how I feel.

He who always has been and forever more will be now cares for you in a wondrous place where there is no calamity. You live in a splendor totally unknown to me as I live down here.  Forevermore free from pain, death, harm, lack, and fear.

Sadness, despair, terror and  grief still charge at my mind like a heavily armed thief.  Whose job is to cause this most horrible day to evermore rule me and direct all of my ways.  I must oppose them and put them on the run, not allowing them to crowd out the light of God’s Son.  In whose care I know you now rest very comfortably; way ahead of me in the knowledge of eternity.

Some will ask where the love of God is at such a time as this.  If he is so good and strong where does this evil come from?  The love of God was put on grand display 2000 years ago on a fateful day; when the God of creation was killed so that we could be restored.

Wicked men who enjoyed their work ripped his body to dying shreds as his mother stood by and watched it all with untold horror and escalating dread.  On this very long day she watched her son die, being used for blood sport right in front of her eyes.  By people who made fun of her great agony while enjoying their work in this great blasphemy.

They took great pleasure in their hell inspired game completely unaware of the power in His name. That at his word an unseen army COULD come forth with the power to destroy the entire earth.

He did not call for help but submitted to their will and was nailed to a cross on a barren hill.  Put on display for everyone to see how this God was dying in full humanity.

They had no idea they were baiting a trap which would snare the enemy of their very own souls.  And make it possible for even them to find the light that would rescue them from a bottomless hell hole.

Those who found their pleasure in his great misery were devoid of compassion or any caring.  But the one they brutalized had enough of both to buy a whole lost world and give redemption for the taking.

All people who had ever been or ever would be were seen by God as hanging on that very same tree.  They would now have the choice to be completely free to walk with the Lord for all eternity.

He came here to live as one of us.  All the time headed for an old rugged cross.  Put there to pay an age old debt and deliver us from a never ending loss.

Suspended in a dark sky between heaven and earth that cross conducted power to fuel a new birth.  And announce to fallen angels their day of doom had come.  He whom they killed had truly, truly won.

They had bruised his heel as it had been said.  But He had now crushed their head with His rising from the dead.  That ancient and first prophecy had put Him on that tree.  The empty tomb announced salvation was now reality.

In what looked like the worlds single greatest tragedy an unstoppable virus attacked our enemy.  And on that resurrection morning a news flash filled the air and declared that everyone could walk out of Satan’s lair.

It should never be part of a parent’s job to see their little one die.  But if it happens you can rest assured that child will have taken flight to an endless sky.

Living forever in endless times and spaces. Totally surrounded by God’s true amazing graces.  Where hope, life, peace, faith, love, and power will be their constant companions every endless hour.

As they enjoy their truly wonderful life, forever removed from each and every kind of strife.  Looking for the day when those who live down here and belong to the Lord will join them over there.

As I close my eyes in pain it seems the Lord is standing very very near.  He takes me by the hand and says there is nothing more to fear.  “There was nothing in her dying that was fun for you to see. There was nothing in her dying that was any fun for me.  But I have her in my care for now and  all eternity where she walks in wondrous splendor as part of the crystal sea.”

So goodbye my little one, I am so sorry that your life down here is done.  I will miss you every day, wishing I could watch you play.  But I know the time will come when I will also see God’s son.  And you will be right there to show me all the wondrous things that He has done.

The picture of the four girls wearing the “Little Berg” 1-4 shirts had to do with their dad being a high school soccer coach at that time for the school district.  Their last name is Berglund and someone came up with the idea of calling the girls “Little Berg” and their birth order number.